the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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