You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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