I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
