I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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