We're facebook friends in real life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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