i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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