If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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