I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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