We won't sleep together?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
