mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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