dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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