he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
