Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How's work?
Spinning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
