Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
