does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
