Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
