Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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