Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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