Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
