He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
