hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
