just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
