she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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