remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
