You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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