i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
