I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
