If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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