Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
