Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
