She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
