exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
