The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
