even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
