my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need moral support for this bender
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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