A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
