Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
