I need help removing her.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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