Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
