Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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