I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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