he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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