i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
