Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
