am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
