I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
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They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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