How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
