Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
