I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
