Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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