i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
