he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
