i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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