Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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