In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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