nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
