i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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