Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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