I can't breathe out the right side of my face
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
