true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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