i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
