Umm I'm too high to move.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize