I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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