yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
