so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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