official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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