my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
