we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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