I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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