remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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