I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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