I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
