Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
