Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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