We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
