Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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