i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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