Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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