$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
