too bad you live with your parents still
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
