I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
